who's who, by ratchet
by Behindtheseen
Summary: Sideswipe and Sunstreaker snatch Ratchet's diary and find out some of his thoughts of the team. more one shots to follow.
1. Chapter 1

Who's who, by Ratchet

"Hey, Sunny," Sideswipe said walking over to his yellow brother, "I found Ratchet's Audio journal. You want to help edit it?"

"No. If he catches us changing it, he'll turn us into Femme bots!" Sunstreaker said snatching it from him.

"Then let's go outside and listen to it, he won't know that it was ever touched."

"I'll pick the spot."

They climb on top of the ship and squeeze into a small cave they found a month before. Sunny puts it on the floor and plays it. Ratchet's face pops over it in hologram form and speaks, "Today is Earth day Monday. Hello, I'm Optimus Prime's Chief Medical officer Ratchet, I arrived here on earth at the same time as everyone else. Enough about me, I'm going to tell you about the crew, let's starts with Optimus. Optimus is our leader. He is the largest among us, yes, that includes the Dino-bots. He is a friend to everyone, except the Decepticons, no one likes them. He is wise, but catches on too quickly to the earth lingo... mumble mumble... Anyway, he is not what you would consider a "Perfect Patient"." he said making air quotes. "He can be rather stubborn when everyone's injured, and squeamish when it's his turn. Maybe it's my wrench, maybe, it's the look I give when I say "oops", I don't know." Ratchet pauses for a moment in thought, then roll his optics and resumes, "Optimus is the closest one to me who feels like a brother. Then again, I think he treats all our troops like that. And like everyone else, he's made friends with a human named Spike. Spike is our human guide to this world. He's not known for being very bright. I think he burnt out his brain bulb at a young age."

"Why would that not surprise me?" Sunny jokes.

"Honestly, I think he's a shaved dog in human clothes. His dad, on the other hand, Spark-plug, is a human. He likes to help me and Wheeljack every once in a while..." Sideswipe pauses it and looks at the bot casting a head shadow.

Jazz smiles at them, "Are you listenin' to Ratchet's Audio journal?"

"No. Why do you ask?" Sunstreaker asked trying to hide it with his foot.

"Ratchet's been looking for it for ten minutes now, and he looks mighty mad." Jazz said climbing in.

"Wait, how did you know where to find us?" Sides asked stopping him from coming any closer.

"You two honestly think that you're the only one's who found this cave? Wheeljack dug it out for experiments, you can still see the scorch marks from the last one. Oh, if you fast forward about two minutes, Ratchet starts talking about you two."

"Wait, you've listened to it before?" Sunny asked sitting back down.

"I may have snuck in his room to listen." Jazz admits as he sits next to Sides.

"Where you ever caught?" Sideswipe asked

"I still have a dent from the last time I took a peek." he said showing his left shoulder.

"Wait, could you hear us playing it?" Sunny asked as Sideswipe fast forward the recording.

"Not til I was a half foot away the opening here." he points at the cave entrance.

"Shh, I want to here this part." Sides said playing it.

"... doesn't need a new paint job. The only disguise he can't pull off is a building, he wiggles too much. The only ones he can't seem to fool are the twins, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe. Sunny and Sides are their nicknames and the best way to describe them is this, telepathic pranksters. The two seem welded at the hip half the time, the other half of the time I weld them at the ear. It's fairly easy to threaten them. They will believe every word I say, even if I can't carry it out, like turning them into femmes. Sideswipe is Sunstreaker's bridge to reality. How do I know this, you might ask. Well, at one point Sideswipe was captured by the decepticons and stuck in a stasis pod. Sunstreaker became more aggressive, distant, and self absorbed. It scared the oil out of Spike and the rest of the team. I was the only one able to talk to him for the whole week Sides was gone. From what I can tell, Sunny only has three categories for others; family, pets, or coworkers. I think I'm the closest thing they have to a father, and honestly, I wish I was. Sure they like to paint me like a character from a comic book, and bug me when I work. But when they get scared, they run to my room and argue on who had the nightmare before climbing in my bed to cuddle. Neither of them knows the meaning of "personal space". Every morning on those days, I have to wait for them to wake up first before getting to work." Ratchet sighs, "I usually wake up from lost energon circulation in my arms and light pain near my lower legs and ankles from them constantly trying to kick each other in their sleep. Some times just to get a response, I say, "Okay, daddy needs to get to work." and it's adorable when the try to pull me back, saying, "Five more minutes, daddy.". Sideswipe is the younger one, and he clearly looks up to his brother. He's just as reckless and dangerous, but he understands things like humans, bots, and life. He's a lot more gentle with others, mostly making jokes and seeking attention from them. I know I said that I want to adopt them, but there are times when they just irk me to no end, reminding me why I haven't signed the papers yet. But on top of it all, I wouldn't switch them out for anyone else." he said with a far away look in his optic and a smile. He blinks for a moment, "Sorry, I'm still recording. Now, who did I... oh, yeah, Cliffjumper..."

Sideswipe pauses it and looks at Sunstreaker, "Ratchet wants to adopt us?"

"We also irk him." Sunstreaker comments.

"Quick, hide it, Ratchet's coming!" Jazz said looking out of the cave. They quickly toss it between each other in a panic and Sideswipe ends up having to hide it behind his back when Ratchet entered.

"What's going on here?" Ratchet asked looking at the badly whistling group.

"Nothing dad!" Sideswipe said quickly. Sunstreaker and Jazz puts a palm over their faces.

Ratchet's frown lightened a bit and an optic brow raised, "You were listening to my Journal, weren't you?"

"Are you mad?" Sunstreaker asked halfway uncovering his face. Ratchet holds out his hand and Sides gives it to him. He holds up a wrench in his other hand, "Don't tell anyone what you heard, this is our secret, deal?"

The three look at each other, then at Ratchet, "Deal."

"And no touching it, or I will weld your hides together."

"You sure you can do that?" Jazz challenged.

Ratchet glares at him, puts the wrench on his hip and changes his hand into a welding torch, "Yes."

after he leaves, Sides asks, "So, who on the team can keep a secret?"

"Mirage." they all said in unison.


	2. evil Mirage

Evil Mirage

Everyone returned to the Autobot base with their normal personalities intact. But no one could find Mirage.

Mirage blinked evilly at the group from behind his hologram as they looked for him. He walks over to Sideswipe. When no one was looking he uncloaks and grabs him, clamping his mouth shut with his right hand. He drags him over to the broom closet in a different room and tosses his unconscious body inside. He then changes his hologram to make himself look like a female Sideswipe. In a girly voice he says, "Show time." he walks back to the control room and taps on Brawn's shoulder, "Brawn, what are you looking for?"

Brawn turns to speak, "We're loo..."

"Something wrong?" he asked batting his fake lashes.

"Sideswipe? When did you... wow." he shakes his head, "No, this is a dream, I'm sure of it!"

Jazz whistles from across the room, "Looks like Ratchet can do everything he threatens."

Mirage turns and puts his hand on his chest, "Oh, this? Not Ratchet's doing. Turns out that Megatron's very handy when it comes to interrogations."

"Sideswipe, I need you to..." Optimus stops in mid sentence when he sees his illusion, "... put on a blanket and report to Ratchet."

"Sure thing, Prime." he said walking away with a swing of his hips.

After he left, Sunstreaker jumps at Brawn and strangles him, "Stop staring and erase your memory banks!"

"How does he always know!?" Brawn shouts as he gets pinned to the floor.

"That's enough, Sunstreaker!" Optimus orders pulling the two apart, "We have to get to the bottom of this."

Mirage moves to the other side of the ship and makes himself look like a girly Sunstreaker. Walking over to Preceptor he says, "Science, Ew."

Preceptor turns to face him, "Science is not... Sunstreaker?"

"Hope so, it would ruin my lustrous finish." he said examining his "nails". He looks up and "notices" that Preceptor's mouth was hanging open, "Yes?"

"Honestly, I didn't think it possible. Tell me, did Ratchet really make you into a femme?"

"I blame Sides." he said leaving. The second he was past the door he cloaks and pokes his head in to see his dirty work.

Preceptor stood there, perplexed, "But, it's not possible. Is it? I sincerely hope not."

Sideswipe wakes up and starts pounding on the door, "Very funny, Mirage, now let me out!"

Spike walks over and pushes the button on the floor to open it, "Hey, you're not a femme anymore." he points out.

Sideswipe looks at him confused, "Anymore? I never was..." he stops and frowns, "Come on, Spike, we have to find Mirage before he ruins me." they run down the hall and bump into Ratchet.

"Sideswipe? Optimus told me that you had become a femme. Funny, you don't look like one." he commented looking him over.

"Mirage stuffed me in a closet. Please tell me that someone caught him." Sideswipe explained hurriedly.

Preceptor came walking down the hall, "Ah, Ratchet, there you are. Did you turn Sunstreaker into a femme?"

"No, I didn't. Looks like Mirage may still be infected by Megatron's personality destablizer." Ratchet mused. He makes them follow him to the control room.

Brawn looks over and groans, "Aww, I was hoping it was true." he immediately regrets saying that when Sunstreaker wrangles him again.

Ratchet walks over to Optimus, "We suspect that Mirage may still be under the influence of the personality destablizer."

"Yeah, and we need to stop him before he can tarnish our lives forever!" Sideswipe said pointing at himself and Sunstreaker.

"It might help if we ask sigma 17 where Mirage is hiding." Optimus said walking over to the large computer, "Sigma 17, where is Mirage?" an image of him laughing his head off in the engine room pops up on screen. "We better get him before..."

Spike interrupts, "Look, Prime! Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's already beating you to him." they re-look at the screen and watch as the twins tackle him.

"Sparkplug, make another personality fixer, before the two of them tear him apart." Ratchet orders Spike's dad as he left.

"I'll get Wheeljack to help." he says getting to work.

Mirage wakes up to Ratchet standing over him, "Ratchet, why do I feel like I was run over by a train?"

"More like two trains. You honestly don't remember what happened?" he asked reattaching his arm.

"I remember getting a recharge and thinking of the most evil pranks in the universe. Brawn would be the easiest to pull it on..."

Ratchet interrupts, "We know, you pulled them when we got back."

"You know, I planted something in Prime's room, I don't know what it was. Just tell him not to..."

Optimus Prime's shouts could be heard throughout the base, "Who put an elephant in my room?!"

"...enter."

"I suggest that you hide somewhere none of us can find you. Until everyone cools down that is." Wheeljack suggests from across the room.

Mirage sits up, "Give me a minute to pack."

"We'll call you after everything's calm." he assures him.

"I'm going to kill Mirage!" Preceptor's voice shouts louder than Prime's.

"Don't count on it." he cringed.


	3. why Rumble's called Rumble

Why Rumble's called Rumble

Rumble took note that the fight had started. Decepticon vs Autobot, except himself. He sneaks into the halls of the Autobot base. He rubs one optic and turns a corner. He frowns, "Where do the Auto-bums keep their engine?" after wandering for five minutes, he yawns, "Boy, Megatron's working me over time." he turns another corner and smiles. The soft rumble of the engine vibrated through the floor, growing stronger with every step closer. He steps into the engine room and climbs up the rumbling powerhouse. He wraps his foot up in wires and lays down. After a moment he nods off.

"Good, the Decepticons are fleeing." Optimus said as the cons fly into the air and disappear. They turn around and let Ratchet fix them up. While Jazz was being repaired, the computer starts blaring, "Proximity alert, proximity alert."

Optimus looks at the screen, "Soundwave." he stomps out and waits for him to land. Soundwave lands near a rock. Optimus watches as he starts looking around, shouting, "Rumble, Rumble, Rumble, reveal yourself."

Optimus pops out from behind his rock, "What makes you think Rumble's here?"

Soundwave turns towards him, "He never left." and continues looking.

"Stay out here." he wanders back in and asks the computer, "Is Rumble still here?"

It flashes a video of Rumble napping on the engine core, "Yes."

Optimus turns to Bumblebee, "Bumblebee, retrieve Rumble carefully."

"Yes, sir." the little scout said leaving. He came back moments later with a sleeping Rumble, "I had to remove his foot from some wires, but after that, it was easy."

"Soundwave's waiting outside." Optimus said pointing towards the door. Bumblebee nods and carries him outside. He walks over to Soundwave, "Here, we found him on the engine." Bee said trying to pry him off, "Wow, he's strong for a little guy."

Soundwave reaches over and scratches Rumble's neck. Rumble lets Bee go and curls into a little ball. "Thank you." Soundwave said leaving.

Bee turns around and takes a step towards the ship, he freezes in place with confusion all over his face, "He said thank you?"

Rumble wakes up as Soundwave was flying towards the Decepticon base, "Brr, who turned down the thermostat?"

"Return to tape mode." Soundwave ordered. Rumble nods and changes into an audio tape. After safely resting in Soundwave's chest Rumble grumbles, "You could have waited another half hour."

Soundwave shakes his head, "You can rest at our base."

"Am I in trouble?" Rumble asked feeling guilty.

"You were being you." Soundwave smiled, "Now, rest." Rumble makes an arm and starts petting Ravage. After he starts to purr, Rumble nods off. Soundwave slows his flight and lands near the base. Landing on a rock he sits down and puts a hand over his chest, smiling as he too, nodded off.


	4. breakdown's teddy bear

Breakdown's teddy bear

The Stunticons rampaged a small carnival, making the humans scream in terror and run. Motormaster spots his quarry and shouts at Wildrider and Breakdown, "Get Dr. Dill."

"Come on Doc, Megatron's got a job for you!" Wildrider laughed as he snatched up a thirty year old man. The man looks down as Breakdown reached for his wife and six year old daughter. The little girl cried as she dropped her giant plush orange bear with pink ears when her mother pulled her towards the exit. Breakdown stops and picks it up. He drops it when its little optics stare into his robot soul. After it does nothing, he picks it back up and looks over at the frenzy of cars escaping. He looks at the stuffed toy and realizes that he couldn't give it back. "Breakdown!" Motormaster shouts walking over, "Forget the others. We got what our master wanted."

Breakdown turns and hides it behind his back, "Yes, Motormaster." he pulls it in front when Motormaster's back was turned. He watches as they all take off without him. He rips off the optics and transforms, stuffing it in his seat.

As Megatron was congratulating them, Breakdown wandered to his room. He walks in and sits on the barrack farthest from the others. He pulls the toy out of his chest, hoping it didn't rip in his gears, then holds it in the air. He pulls off the torn left leg and stuffs the fluff back in. He gets up and plops the toy on the bed. "Stay." he ordered it. He nods and sneaks off to Soundwave's room.

He opens their door and looks around before entering. The light turns on and he attempts not to step on any of Rumbles "Collectible items", one of which he needed. He spots a package of sewing needles and picks it up. He looks around until his optics landed on a roll of string attached to two blankets that the mini twins were making for Soundwave. He grabs the disconnected one next to it and leaves. He comes back and snatches the scissors.

He enters his room and sees Dead end playing with it. He looks up at Breakdown, "I wonder what poor creature they had to skin to make this little piece of garbage."

"It's not garbage." Breakdown protests snatching it from him.

"Relax, Breakdown, I'm sure it's not to someone who cares." he tilts his head with a weak smile, "Is it yours?"

Breakdown turns his back towards him and huffs, "Don't you have something better to do?"

"No. But if you like, I can use my steady hands to fix it."

Breakdown looks at him suspiciously, "How do I know you won't put a bomb in it?"

"Simple, I don't care."

"Why do you want to fix it?" Breakdown glared harder.

"Can I keep the leg?" Dead end asked pulling off the fluffy limb from Breakdown's bed and waving it in the air lazily.

Breakdown thinks on it for a moment before snatching it, "No."

"Anyway, you better hide it from Wildrider, there's no telling if he might try putting it out of it's misery." Dead end said leaving the room.

Breakdown watched him leave, then huffs, "Let him try." he sits down and fumbles with the string and needles.

Breakdown smiles when the last stitch was done. His smile faded when Dragstrip asks behind him, "So, is that just yours, or are you going to share?"

Breakdown whips his head around and glares up at him, "Mine."

"Not for long!" Dragstrip snatches it and runs off, shouting, "Look what Breakdown fixed!"

Breakdown jumps up and follows, "Give..." he stops in his tracks, thinking, "If I try to stop him, I'll probably end up worse then my bear." he watches in silent horror as they pick on him, and pick at it. Dead end didn't bother and just sat on a box. Breakdown walks over and sulks on the floor. Dead end looks down at him, "I am sorely sorry, Breakdown. Maybe you could steal another one?"

"But, this one was mine. It took me three hours to fix it." Breakdown mumbled as Wildrider ran around trying to make it fly.

"Let go! It's mine!" Motormaster shouts ripping half of it away from Wildrider.

"I still have the top!" Wildrider shouts running off with it. Motormaster grunts and tosses it on the ground, letting the fluff fly, "You broke my toy!" then runs after him. Dragstrip runs after them, stomping it flat in his haste. Breakdown crawls over and picks up what's left. "Bummer, and I was just getting to like it." Dead end comments as he took a sip of the energon next to his arm. The three run back in. Wildrider tosses on the ground and does a raspberry at Motormaster. The semi-truck growls and threatens to crush him as they ran down the hall. Breakdown picks it up and carries it back to his room.

Breakdown smiles and holds up the bear to the light, examining it to see if he missed a stitch. He puts it next to his pillow and gets up. He looks at the others sleeping in their beds and sneaks out, hoping none would awake and smear acid on his bunk. He leaves the ship and sneaks off to the carnival they attacked the day before.

He wanders around and carefully grabs four stuffed animals. He looks around and spots a human picking up the trash. The human stops and blinks at him. Breakdown stands as still as possible and the human shrugs, thinking he was the light playing tricks on him. Once he was gone, Breakdown sighs and leaves.

The next morning, the other Stunticons awoke to four toys and a note saying, "Here, now stop touching my bear. B."

"Dibs on the giant fish!" Wildrider shouts grabbing a red plush shark.

As they dug into the toys, Dead end looks over at Breakdown and smiles, "And I thought you were the dumb one." he turns and grabs a giraffe with a missing head and a plastic knife in its back.

Breakdown opens an optic, smiles, then squeezes his bear harder, whispering, "Don't worry, Bear-claw, you're safe with me." and returns to his slumber.


	5. minicon sitting

Mini-con sitting

Starscream walks up to Soundwave's bedroom door. He looks at the list in his hand and smiles, "This shouldn't be too hard." he opens the door and his smile fades. Rumble and Frenzy were jumping off the mini-bird's perch and landing in a pile of feather filled pillows. They look up at him as he yells in his high pitched voice, "I command you to stop!"

"You and what army?" Rumble joked.

Frenzy gets up, "Who told you you could come in here?"

"Soundwave did. Now get in bed so I don't have to follow everything on this list." Starscream said waving it. Rumble and Frenzy look at each other and smile. "Why are you smiling?"

Rumble crosses his arms, "Make us." Starscream reaches down and and they take off.

Starscream unties the knot from his ankles and spits out feathers, "Knock it off! I'm not a scratching post!" he shouts at Ravage.

Rumble and Frenzy lower their laughing to a giggle as they flip the page on Starscream's diary. "Hey, Starscream," Rumble said looking up at him, "I didn't know you had a date."

"Yeah, but most don't build one!" Frenzy added. They burst out laughing.

"She was... Stop reading that!" he snaps the ropes and grabs them. He shoves them onto the bed and wraps them up like burritos. He yanks Ravage off his back and puts him in his dog bed. Ravage growls at him, then yawns. "Okay. Now, what does the list say?" he walks over and yanks it away from Buzzsaw and Lazerbeak, "Squawk to you too." he reads it, "Calm them down, check. Put them in bed, check. Tell a bed time story..." he looks down at them and see that they wiggled free, "Calm them down, un-check. Put them in bed, un-check." they jump down and pull a radio out from the closet. As they danced to Rock and roll, Starscream got an idea. If he couldn't lull them to sleep by force, then boredom was the next best thing. He reaches down and tunes it to the Classical channel. The pair stop and look at him, both pouting. "Oh, don't give me that. I have a right to make you listen to what I want to listen to."

"Okay." Rumble said gaining a cheeky smile. They start doing leaps and bad tango dancing. Starscream's face got long as he realize that he got outwitted by cons half his size. He let them dance for a whole twenty minutes before Frenzy covered Rumble's yawn with his hand. "Yes! You're calming down! Now get in bed."

Frenzy lightly punches Rumble in the arm, "You gave us away."

"You try not yawning." he retorts. They climb in bed and sit with crossed arms.

Starscream crosses off the first two, "Okay. Now wrap up in your blankets and I'll tell you a story."

"Your stories stink, Starscream." Rumble said tossing his blanket at him.

Starscream picks it up and attempts to put it on him, "Stop kicking it. And you haven't even heard my stories!"

"You usually tell us your fantasies." he jumps up and says in a mock Starscream voice, "Megatron's fallen and can't get up. I am now leader of the decepticons!"

Starscream knocks him down, "I sound way better. And those aren't fantasies, they're facts."

Frenzy rolls his optics, "Only in another dimension, Starscream."

"When Soundwave comes back from his bath, I'm going to make your lives as miserable as you've made mine."

"He only assigned you to babysit us cause your aim knocked him into a pig pen. And besides, you couldn't possibly..."

Frenzy covers his mouth, "Don't make us both regret it." he removes his hand and fluffs his pillow. Rumble nods and willing takes the blanket.

"Now that that's over, I can tell the story. Once upon a time, there was a king named Megatron. He was old and rusted. His son, the fabulous Starscream, noticed this and was sad. He called for the royal adviser and asked, "Shockwave, how much longer is the king going to survive?"

Shockwave answered, "My calculations say that he will fall in three days, Prince Starscream." Starscream smiled and sent him away. Three days later, Megatron croaked. And Starscream pulled the crown off his head and slipped it onto his own. In an instant, his subjects bowed, for a worthy successor has taken his place. The end." he said getting up to leave.

Rumble pipes up, "Only in your dreams, Starscream."

Frenzy throws his pillow at him, "I want a better one, like the one's Soundwave tells."

"My story was better!" Starscream retorts.

"Soundwave always avoids telling us fantasy, and or, fiction stories." Rumble said sitting up.

Frenzy shoot up too, "Yeah, and he tells them with style."

"He talks like he has a tin can in his throat! How can he possibly do it "with style"?" he asked crossing his arms.

"How about you tell us about the time you built your own date?" Rumble suggests.

"You two already crossed a line there. And I am not telling that one."

"Then how about the time you landed in mud and swallowed a frog?" Frenzy suggests.

"Can we forget the diary, please?"

"Shoot, he said please." Rumble grumbled.

"Now that I'm done telling you a story, you have to go to sleep." he said starting to leave. Lazerbeak squawks loudly. "What do you want?" he asked annoyingly at the bird.

Rumble translates, "Lazerbeak says that you're not done."

Starscream watches the bird hold up the bottom half of the list, then snatches it. "I have to cuddle all of you?!" He shouts after reading it.

"Yep! And hum until we nod off." Rumble said with a cheeky smile.

"That's it, I'm going to see if Soundwave's done his bath yet." Starscream leaves the room in a huff.

He reaches the washing room and opens the door. Soundwave looks up from scrubbing his ankle, "Yes, Starscream?"

"Take back you minicons." he said walking in. He lifts one leg and shows Frenzy clinging to it, "Before I toss them outside."

Soundwave gets up and turns off the shower head, "Rumble, Frenzy, let him go." they jump off and cling to Soundwave's legs.

"Soundwave, can I just say this? Your minicons are evil." he said ripping Ravage off his back.

"Are not." Soundwave retorts turning the water back on. Ravage sees the running water and jumps free, running back to his room.

"And de-claw you cat." he turns and leaves, repeating the word, "Ow."

Soundwave looks down, "How did he do?"

"Terrible." Rumble says letting go, "He told us his fantasy, didn't cuddle, and ordered us around."

"Did you give him a hard time?"

"Yeah. But to be fair, he doesn't like us, and we don't like him." Frenzy adds.

Soundwave rolls his optics, "Go back to bed, both of you." Frenzy lets go and they snag Thundercracker's towel on the way out.

They pop their heads back in, "Night, dad." then leave. Soundwave smiles under his mask and returns to scrubbing.

Starscream overhears them say, "Night, dad." and smacks his face, "How could I be so oblivious? This explains everything about those two." They stop and look at him, smile at each other, and twist the towel. It smacks Starscream in the hip, and the two scatter with him shouting behind, "Get back here!"

Rumble shouts, "You said it yourself, Starscream, we're evil!"

Frenzy adds from the other direction, "And we're Soundwave's!"

Starscream stops and pinches the bridge of his nose, "I'm at an impasse." the two walk over with cheeky smiles.

Rumble looks up at him, ready with the towel, "That's what makes us the perfect mini-decepticons." he whips Starscream with it and they scatter.

Starscream grumbles to himself, "Me and Soundwave are going to have a very long talk."


	6. feeding frenzy

Feeding Frenzy

This was something Soundwave should be somewhat used to by now, but isn't. He poured some smooth liquid into a earth spoon from a five inch bottle. He measures it to make sure it was enough, then screws the lid back on. Turning around he calls, "Frenzy, come." Frenzy pushes Rumble out of his hiding spot.

Rumble walks over, "Uh, Soundwave? Frenzy can't come to the spoon right now, but if you want, I can go first."

"You had your turn yesterday."

"Yeah, but Frenzy hates getting his circuits oiled." Rumble said cheekily pointing out the hiding spot. Soundwave taps on Ravage and points. Ravage nods and sneaks over. Frenzy struggles as Ravage pulls him free of his hole. Frenzy glares at Rumble, "Stab your brother in the in back, why don't you." Rumble just waves as he gets dragged past.

Soundwave picks him up and attempt to give him the oil, "Hold still, Frenzy."

"Never!" Frenzy shouts wiggling free. He drops to the floor and runs about the room.

Starscream hears the commotion and opens the door, "What is going on in here?"

Frenzy runs between his legs, shouting, "You'll never take me alive!"

"What is that about?"

Soundwave sighs, "Every time." and moves past him.

He looks down at a smirking Rumble, "What are you smiling about?"

"It's Frenzy's turn to get his gears cleaned. Heh, heh, heh, he gives Soundwave a workout."

"Frenzy, out of that hole." Soundwave could be heard ordering.

"Feed that junk to me and I'll move to the Autobot side!" Frenzy threatened back.

Soundwave grows quiet for a moment, then says, "Then we will all swap to the Autobots."

Frenzy pops his head out, "Wait, you would do tha..." Soundwave pops the spoon in his mouth and pulls him out. He then puts a finger over his mouth and doesn't let go until he swallowed. Frenzy gulps it and Soundwave plops him on the ground. Frenzy starts wiping the oil off his tiny tongue, "Shouldda known it was a trick." he then looks at Rumble, who was laughing hysterically, "Shut up."

Starscream rolls his optics and leaves, "At least I don't complain when I have my oil."

"Yeah, you hide it!" Rumble blurts out from on the floor.

Starscream turns around and looks at Soundwave, "Feed him next."


	7. dead end's eyes

Dead end's eyes

Dead end looks up at Wildrider giving him puppy eyes from across the table, "Yes, Wildrider?"

he scoots closer and gets up in his face, "What color are your optics?"

"I don't know. Probably as dead as Starscream's love life." he said turning back to his cube of energon. Wildrider's red optics light up and he runs off. Dead end smiles under his mask, then pops a metal pipe into the cube and sips, never revealing his lips.

Breakdown was in his room reading a human book in the closet, using his internal lights to keep from giving himself away. Wildrider opens the door, making him jump, "Don't do that!"

Wildrider snatches the book, flips through it, then tosses it, "Horror, no wonder you're scared all the time. Hey, did you know that Starscream's love life died today?"

"He never had one. Who told you that?" Breakdown asked getting up.

Wildrider scratches his head, then snaps his fingers, "Dead end! He said that his optics were as dead as Starscream's love life."

Breakdown picks up the book and looks at him, "Did you ask him why he's always hides his optics?"

"No. I always wanted to see if they were rainbow colored, or a dull red."

"Well, I think he's hiding them to hide what he's planing for my demise." Breakdown says getting back in the closet.

Wildrider thinks for a moment, then shakes his head, "Nah. Ooo! What if they're pink!"

"Then get Dragstrip to help you pin him down and lift his visor. I don't want to be there in case he kills you with his death glare." Breakdown suggested as the closet door closes.

Wildrider runs out of the room, "Hey, Dragstrip!"

Dragstrip rubs a little wax on his arm and grabs a buffing rag. Just as he finished using it, Wildrider smacks him in the face and covers his optics, "Guess what we're going to do!"

"Lose a limb?" Dragstrip asked, hoping Wildrider would get the hint.

"Nope. We're going to find out the age old question..."

"How to remove an unwanted hand?"

"Wrong again! Find out if Dead end has red, green, yellow, or pink optics!"

he pushes his hand off and looks at him, "Pink? He's not a femme."

"Please?"

"Get Breakdown's help. I'm busy." he said getting back to his waxing.

"He told me to ask you."

"How about you just ask Dead end to tell you."

"He said that he doesn't know. Wanna help me pin him so we can see?"

Dragstrip turns and glares at him, "No. Ask Motormaster."

he turns and runs out, shouting, "Hey, Motormaster!"

Motormaster hears his name and puts down the trucks he was using as weights. He walks over to the door and opens it to get Wildrider to stop knocking, "What?"

"You want to help me find out Dead end's optic color? I'm betting it's pink!"

"Wildrider, how about you just ask Dead end to tell you." he said shutting the door. He opens it after a minute of banging.

"He says he doesn't know."

"Then get him to lift his visor and stop bugging me." he shuts the door and gets back to his weights.

Wildrider thinks about, then shouts through the door, "But, that's no fun!" he sulks away.

Dead end sees Wildrider's reflection on the computer screen and turns to look at him, "Let me guess, you couldn't get the others to help you pin me down."

"How'd you know?" he asked straightening up from a pouncing position.

"You came back alone." he said crossing his arms.

"Motormaster said to ask you if you could lift your visor. I wanted to pin you to the ground and force your visor open." Wildrider said with a pout and crossed arms.

"Hmm... I never lifted my visor before." he lowers his head and focuses on lifting it. After a few second, he uses his fingers to help. After a minute of struggle, they open. "Well, what color are they?"

Wildrider tilts his head, "Dead black." he cracks a large smile, "It makes you look like a bug."

he turns and checks his refection, then comments, "Now I know why I never remove them."

Wildrider runs out of the room, shouting, "Dead end's got bug optics! Dead end's got bug optics!"

"In a few minutes, everyone's going to die laughing. And I'll parish in embarrassment." he drops his visor and walks after Wildrider, "Might as well face them now."

They all stood around him. He lifts his visor and shows them what Wildrider meant. "Just be honest, are they that bad?"

Dragstrip turns to Wildrider, "What bug optics, they're just black."

Motormaster rolls his, "This is what all the fuss was about? Black optics? I'm going back to my room."

Breakdown starts backing up, "Dead black means you have no soul, which means, you're going to suck out ours. Stay back, I want to keep mine!" he turns and runs off. Dragstrip walks away, leaving Wildrider with spooky optics.

"I still think they make you look like a bug."

"Honestly, it was worse in my head." Dead end drops the visor, "Well, I guess nobody's dying today."

"Hey, Dead end, wanna see if it'll make the Autobots leak themselves?"

Dead end thinks and smiles, "Maybe they'll die of fright."

Wildrider grabs his arm and drags him while running, "Let's go test it!"


	8. playing with holograms

Playing with holograms

All the Autobots wander into the meeting room and sit around the table. Wheeljack and Preceptor walk up to the chalk board and turn to the group. "What are you building this time?" Optimus asked from his end of the table.

Wheeljack speaks up, "Me and Preceptor have come up with a sure fire strategy to take down the decepticons once and for all."

"Yes, and this plan will not involve any violence. All we need is to make hologram projectors that will allow us to sneak around the decepticon base..."

"I promise they won't explode." Wheeljack interrupts. He looks at Preceptor's glare and decides to shut up.

"As I was saying. We can disrupt their plans from the inside..."

Jazz interrupts and points at Mirage with his thumb, "Doesn't Mirage already do that?"

"Yes, but he's the only one with that ability. If we can mass produce his hologram projector and each get one, we can ambush the decepticons before they ever spot us."

"What do you say, Mirage, wanna let us make more?" Wheeljack asked looking at him. Mirage simply sat there, not twitching a muscle.

"We'll give you time to think about it." Preceptor said patiently.

Cliffjumper leans closer to the frozen Mirage and states, "I don't think he even heard you. He's so stiff you'd think he wasn't there."

Ratchet turns and waves his hand through Mirage, frizzing out his image, "He did it again. That's the fifth disappearing act this week."

"I thought he only did that when it was his turn for a checkup." Jazz comments.

"Raise your hand if you're not a hologram." Optimus ordered. Everyone raised their hand, except for Mirage.

Optimus gets up, "Ratchet, you, me and Prowl will look for him."

Prowl and Ratchet stand up, "Yes, sir." then leaves the room. Optimus leave behind their lead.

Wheeljack pipes up, "So, who wants to hear about the other new invention that we made?"

Jazz jumps out of his seat and zips out the door, "Hey, Prowl, wait for me!"

Just before anyone else could escape, Preceptor pushed a button next to the chalk board and it shuts the door, "Now, Wheeljack and I have figured out that..." everyone sits and groans.

Seaspray leans close to Bumblebee and gargles quietly, "I think Preceptor skipped his coffee again."

"If he keeps talking, I'm going to need coffee." Bee whispered back.

"He shoots, he scores!" Mirage said into large microphone as a tall man dunked a ball into the basket, "And now for the replay!" the tall man goes in reverse with the ball, stops, then dunks again. A bunch of other tall guys jump around and silently whoop.

Spike walks through a few of the players and sits at Mirage's feet, "Fantasy basketball rocks. Can you do Bears verses Eagles next?"

"Depends, who are they?" Mirage asked making all the players disappear, then he put down the microphone, which turned into Ratchet's biggest wrench a second later.

Spike grabs the water bottle on the bench and pours it on his head, "Ah... that feel so good."

"You're lucky you don't rust. I'm honestly jealous."

"And I'm disappointed." Prowl said making them jump.

Mirage gets off the floor, "I take it that you saw right through my rues?"

"You, Sideswipe, and Sunstreaker weren't at the meeting..."

"I'm here, whew, you move fast. Are you sure you're not a ninja?" Jazz asked breathlessly.

Prowl rolls his optics, "Mirage, Wheeljack and Preceptor want to copy you hologram projector so that everyone can sneak up on the decepticons. You have a few minutes to think about it on the way there." he turns on his heel and walks slowly, making sure Mirage's footsteps were behind him.

Jazz asks while they're in the halls, "So, why the hologram in the conference room?"

"That? I put it there every time there's a meeting. The less I know about the plans, the less the decepticons could pry loose if I'm caught." Mirage explained.

"Do you know why the twins weren't there?"

Mirage laughs, "Have you met them? You can't make them sit for five minutes, much less an hour."

Jazz laughs, "Too true. Unless you're Ratchet." Mirage nods in agreement.

they enter the room and everyone rushes out. "...and that is how the main computer works." Preceptor finished, then smiles, "Ah, Mirage, we have been meaning to ask you if..."

Mirage puts up a hand, "Prowl told me. I thought about it and yes, I will help with the hologram projectors."

Wheeljack walks into the control room with the first projector, "We got one done, who wants to test it?"

"What is it?" Sideswipe asked getting his arm reattached.

"A hologram projector that's an exact replica of Mirage's." he said holding it up for everyone to see.

Cliffjumper pipes up, "It's so small."

"It has to be," Mirage states becoming visible next to him, "it would be difficult to transform otherwise."

"Why, where does it go?" Cliffjumper asked worryingly.

"The back of the neck." Mirage said calming his fears.

"Fine, I'll try it." Cliffjumper said walking up to Wheeljack.

"Ratchet, I may need your help for this part." Wheeljack said motioning him over.

Ratchet points at the spot he's standing in and says to the twins, "Stay." then goes over to Wheeljack.

Wheeljack and Ratchet back up and congratulate the other. Ratchet looks down at Cliffjumper, "You can open your optics now."

Cliffjumper opens his optics, walking forward, "So, how do I look?"

Optimus smiles like he's trying to hold back a laugh, "You look... nice."

"Wanna mirror?" Sideswipe asked evilly.

Mirage comes over and pats his shoulder, "Step one, control your thoughts."

"Why?" his question was answered when Sides and Sunny evilly held a mirror up to him. "I look like a pink femme!"

"Don't worry, when I got mine, everyone could read my thoughts like they were written on paper. With practice, that changed." Mirage said to calm him.

"Now we know what kind of femmes Cliffjumper likes." Jazz comments to Prowl.

Prowl comments back, "Let's hope his other private thoughts don't show."

"Please tell me that it only took you a few hour to perfect your holograms?" Cliffjumper begged.

Mirage thinks about it for a moment, "No. It took me ten years. My advice, don't let your mind wander. Like now." he turns him around to let him see a hologram version of himself. It was on the ground throwing a fit, then quickly disappears into thin air. Mirage smiles down at him, "Let's start with invisibility." he walks away with him to a roomy spot of the room.

Wheeljack asks Optimus, "So, should we start making more?"

"Let's first see if Cliffjumper can perfect what Mirage took years to do."

"Okay, do you two know your assignments?" Optimus asked looking at Mirage and a headless Cliffjumper.

Mirage salutes, "Yes, Optimus Prime. Sneak into the decepticon base and plant bugs in their systems." Cliffjumper simply stands there with a blank stare. Mirage taps his shoulder, "I can see most of you."

He looks at Mirage, snapping to normal, "My mind was clear, how could you see me?"

Mirage looks back at Optimus, "Can we hold off for a few months? I don't think Cliffjumper has the hang of it."

"I can turn invisible whenever I want!" he said crossing his arms. His hologram projector turns on and it makes a small human at his feet, shaking his bottom at Mirage.

Optimus pinches the bridge of his nose, "Please, control your thoughts, Cliffjumper. I don't want Megatron shooting you because you couldn't keep from mooning him with a hologram."

"I wonder if this is why they made me answer questions before the installment." Mirage mumbled to himself.

"I'll try Prime." Cliffjumper promised.

"Wheeljack!" Optimus shouts as the beaten Autobots poured into the base.

Wheeljack comes running up to his battered leader, "You guys look like you were ambushed, what happened?"

"Cliffjumper happened." Optimus said as his sat down, "Remove his hologram projector before I do."

"Why?" Wheeljack asked. Cliffjumper walks past with a big red arrow pointing down at him with the words, "I MOONED MEGATRON" above it. Wheeljack nods, "Oh. Right away, Prime."


	9. the walls have eyes

The walls have eyes

"Hey, Dragstrip!" Wildrider shouts running up to him.

Dragstrip puts down his cube of energon, "What is it, Wildrider?"

Wildrider grabs his arm and drags him away from the table, "I put googly eyes all over our room!"

"Is this another prank on Breakdown?"

"Yep." Wildrider stops at the door of their quarters and opens it slightly. He motions Dragstrip to peek in.

Breakdown opens the closet door a smidge and peeks out with a yellow optic, then shuts himself in saying, "They're everywhere!"

Dragstrip looks at Wildrider, "That's enough googly eyes to keep him in there for weeks. Where did you find them?"

"I rammed a truck and they spilled out the back." Wildrider smirked.

Dead end passes, stops, then walks up to them, "Are you pranking Breakdown again?"

"I'm thinking of removing them when he's asleep, then putting them in the lunch room."

"I doubt he will ever sleep again, now that the walls have optics." Dead end comments leaving.

Once he was out of earshot, Wildrider whispers, "Drag, get his wax, I'll get the glow in the dark glue."

Wildrider runs off, leaving Dragstrip to comment alone, "You did that last week."

his optics dart back to the door as Breakdown shouts from inside, "Why don't they blink?!" and smirks evilly.

Six hours later...

Motormaster rubs his optics and looks at the time, "Huh, time for bed." he gets up and shouts, "Stunticons, front and center!" Dragstrip, Wildrider, and Dead end drop what they were doing and walk up to him. He looks about and grumbles, "Of course Breakdown's not here. Have any of you seen Breakdown?"

"He's in the closet." Wildrider said proudly.

Motormaster looks at him with a raised optic brow, then rolls his optics, "We'll fetch him later, come on, it's bed time." he leads the way to their room. He stops at the door and enters. The three smaller cons hang back and watch as he zips out of the room and slams the door behind himself, "Tiny black and white circles invaded our room, and have taken over our bunks!"

Breakdown shouts from inside, "They're watching me!"

Motormaster snaps out of it and looks down at a laughing Wildrider, "What's so funny?"

"I got you and Breakdown! Two bots with one prank! Ha, ha, ha, ha..." Wildrider's laughter gets stopped by Dead end's black hand as it covers his mouth.

Motormaster growls, "Warn me next time, or it'll be all your hides!" Wildrider nods. Motormaster turns around and enters the room.

Rumble and Frenzy overheard the conversation and start snickering. They run off down the hall.

Motormaster wakes up and gets off his bunk, pushing Dragstrip's hanging arm out of the way. He walks over to the door, oblivious to the googly eye free walls, and exits. Everyone wakes up to a loud girlish scream, followed by a thump. Wildrider, Dragstrip, and Dead end jump out of there bunks and come over to the open door. Breakdown opens the closet and peeks out. "What's going on?" he asked trying to see past them.

"Someone painted a bunch of marbles to look like disembodied human eyes." Dead end explained picking one of them up.

"I wish I thought of that." Wildrider sulked.

Dragstrip puts a finger on Motormaster's neck, "Fainted. Whoever did this, is a master."

"Now Motormaster knows how I feel." Breakdown muttered slipping back into the closet.

Frenzy and Rumble look at their work and snicker. Rumble whispers to his twin, "We've achieved master pranksters."

Frenzy ads with a smirk, "Our lives are now complete."


	10. a miniature problem

A miniature problem

Starscream flies into the mouth of a cave and lands on a metal floor inside. He walks up to Megatron and holds out his hand, "Lord Megatron, I have brought you a gift that some human scientists were so happy to make for you."

"Excellent!" Megatron laughed as he snatched it, "With this size inducer I will be able to turn my combiners into giants. And when the Autobots see them coming, they'll run away in terror! Even Optimus Prime won't be able to handle them!"

"Brilliant plan, Lord Megatron! But, who's the combiner group you're going to enlarge?" Rumble asked from on Soundwave's shoulder.

"I was thinking the Stunticons." Megatron answered. He looks at Soundwave, "Soundwave, let them know I want them outside now."

Soundwave taps the button on his left hip and states in his robotic, cold voice, "Megatron wants you outside."

Motormaster, Dragstrip, Dead end, and Breakdown stood in a line outside the fake mountain. Megatron walks up to them and notices Wildrider missing, "Where is Wildrider?"

"Probably chasing Butterflies through a meadow to see how many smear his window." Dragstrip suggested.

"Or dead." Dead end added.

Breakdown looks around, "Or planing a prank that could end us all."

"Hmm... Why didn't I think of that?" Dead end mused. Breakdown scoots slightly farther from him.

"Dragstrip, retrieve your comrade. I need all of you here." Megatron ordered.

"Just give me a chain and a cube of energon and I'll have him here in seconds." Dragstrip boasted. He transforms and drives off.

Dragstrip comes back with Wildrider holding onto the cube and chain. His tailpipe dragging on the ground. Dragstrip transforms and tosses the chain at Dead end's feet, "Next time, you drag him here."

"Enough of this tomfoolery!" Megatron ordered, "Stand ready to be enlarged." they shift into position and Megatron fires. After a flash of light he stops and turns to Starscream, "Starscream you fool! You said you got the enlarger! Do they look enlarged to you?" he points at the five foot Stunticons.

"But it worked when I used it on a rock!" Starscream protests, "Maybe you just pressed the wrong button?"

Megatron snaps, "There is only one button!"

Rumble laughs, "Looks like Starscream needs to go back to Kindergarten!"

Starscream snags it and points it at a rock, "I'll show you, Lord Megatron!" he fires and it enlarges. He hands it back, "Now you try." Megatron fires at a different rock and it shrinks. Starscream smirks, "For once, I'm not the one to fail the decepticons!"

Breakdown starts falling to pieces and squeaks, "Turn me back! I'm too small and vander... valu... von... easily stepped on."

Dead end looks at Breakdown, "I believe you're looking for the word, Vulnerable, Breakdown."

"Yeah." he admitted making himself even smaller.

Rumble comes over and picks Breakdown up, "At least at this size, it'll be easier for me and Frenzy to fix him." Breakdown's left leg falls off like a little doll when he panics. Rumble leans down to pluck it up, but Wildrider snags it and runs off with it, laughing in high pitched squeaks.

Megatron orders, "Rumble, put him down. Wildrider, come back and stay still." they obey and Megatron fires, enlarging them. "Now that you're big again, let's get you bigger." he fires at a rock and it shrinks, then turns back to them and makes them twice as large. "When we find the Autobots, I want you to transform and step on them." he turns and laughs maniacally.

The Autobots and Decepticons face off in a desert. "Megatron, this ends here!" Optimus shouts at him.

Megatron laughs, "Only for you, Prime." he shouts at his troops, "Stunticons, form into Menasor!" The Stunticons run forward and jump into the air. As they flew, they connected to form the nasty battle bot. They land on Optimus's chest and bounce off. They land on the ground and look up at him, then start trying to take him down by ramming into his ankles. Optimus looks down at the mini-Stunticons and laughs, "Looks like your plan failed before it began, Megatron!"

Starscream shouts, "Megatron's plans are falling at the seams, I am now leader of the Decepticons!"

Megatron shouts as he whacks Starscream with his cannon, "Remember, Starscream, you brought the faulty device!" he points to the skies, "Decepticons, retreat!" and as they flew off, he shouts at Optimus, "You won this time, but my next plan will put you in the palm of my hand!"

Spike picks up the tiny mass of Stunticons, "Can we keep him, Prime?" Menasor bites his finger and he drops them in pain. They separate and drive off. Wildrider stops, zips back and runs over his foot, them back to his buddies. Spike rubs his foot, "On second thought, maybe not. Ow."

"At the moment, they shouldn't be too BIG a problem." Wheeljack comments.

Bee chimes in, "Puts a whole new spin on, "Mini-con", doesn't it?"

Optimus pats his back, "Yes it does."

Megatron hits Starscream over the head with the device, "Starscream, next time get something that actually works!"

Starscream gets on his knees and grovels, "Please, Lord Megatron, I beg you... what's that sound?" they look over as the device whistles for a moment before exploding while shooting out rays.

The Stunticons revert to normal size as they neared the mountain. They stop just outside it as it lay in a tiny mound with the other bots standing near it. They transform and watch as a tiny Megatron beats up a slightly smaller Starscream. Rumble laughs, "Heh, heh, heh, this is better then watching it on the security cameras!"

Dragstrip shouts, "Pile drive him!"

"I'll get the energon!" Wildrider shouts running off.

"I'll get some chairs." Dead end adds walking away. The others shout suggestions at Megatron until they returned.

Once comfortable on rock chairs, Rumble wonders, "When will it wear off?"

Soundwave grabs Rumble, then takes a few steps away saying, "Calculating... now." the mountain grows to full size and knocks everyone onto their tailpipes, scooting them over to Soundwave's feet.

Motormaster looks up at him, "Warn sooner." Soundwave turns with a laughing smirk under his mask as he walked off with a laughing Rumble.

"Get off me!" Megatron shouts growing back to full size and pushing Breakdown off. He turns to his second-in-command as he brushed himself clean, "Next time, I retrieve the device for Prime's destruction."

"Yes, Lord Megatron."

"Now clean up your mess."

Starscream sulks, "Yes, Lord Megatron."


End file.
